When I was a sophomore in high school a friend gave me a T-shirt that said, “Grab a Heine” on the front with a picture of a Heineken bottle on the back. I thought it was the coolest T-shirt ever. My Dad did not agree. He told me I was presenting a bad image of myself, advertising a product that was illegal and inappropriate for my age and inviting boys to touch me in inappropriate places. He then said he didn’t ever want to see the shirt again. In true teenage fashion I stomped up to my room, threw the shirt in the back of my closet, sulked, pouted, and called all my friends to complain about my unreasonable and irrational father. (There was no text messaging back then.)
I found the shirt a few years later when I was packing for college. Of course, I packed it in the bottom a box. Dad would never know. Plus, I was grown up and ready for the world. I wore the T-shirt to a freshman orientation event. You know, the kind of event where everyone who is away from home for the first time is checking out everyone else in the same boat. During that event two guys pinched my heine. I could not believe it. I didn’t want attention from guys who were so disrespectful; I was annoyed and a bit embarrassed. Worse yet, my Dad was right. The way you present yourself impacts what others think of you. I threw away the T-shirt that evening.
Today’s digital world provides youngsters even more avenues to represent themselves; particularly through social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace. The only difference is that their audience is the world. Social networking sites enable youngsters to create a profile and communicate with friends in the online community. Some friends are also friends in real life while others are virtual friends. Users can provide a wide array of information about themselves including address, phone number, sexual orientation, relationship status, religious affiliation and what they are looking for (i.e. friendship, random play, whatever I can get, etc.) Users can also join groups that include everything from school classes to political advocacy groups to similar first names to groups inappropriate for me mention on this blog. Likewise, users can share pictures, “tag” pictures taken by others and become “friends” with other individuals in the community.
Essentially, youngsters are able to develop their identify in both face-to-face and virtual environments. The media is quick to scare us with stories about how youngsters are opening themselves up to sexual predators (see “Do you know where your kids are clicking”) and loosing professional opportunities because of their online presence (See Workers fired over Internet postings). Given the number of youngsters participating in social networking communities, instances like these are not the norm.
However, some colleagues (Jade Coutts, Jeff Boyer and Rick Ferdig) and I recently studied how 385 undergraduates were using Facebook. Over half the Facebook profiles were public (it is possible to make an account private and only available to select individuals) and most included screenshots, information about relationships and relationship desires, sexual orientation and a photo album. Not all the profiles were inappropriate but many of the youngsters were wearing a virtual “Grab a Heine” T-shirt.
As Moms we need to be cognizant of the online communities our children frequent. In the younger years such online participation is easier to keep tabs on because we are able to keep our children close. Thus, that is an ideal time for us to encourage reasonable online participation. There is no particular age that this should happen. My 5-year old is not involved in online communities but several of my Mom friends have 2nd graders participating in Club Penguin, Neopets and Webkinz.
Even if you are not willing to allow your youngster to join an online community you can instill healthy habits related to online participation that will hopefully carry over as independence grows. If you need some support in this area, I have always enjoyed the Safekids.com site and I particularly like Daffy Dave's Safe Kids Song. But, there are a host of other resources available.
Most Moms do not assume that their kids will regularly bathe, brush teeth, do homework and eat healthy foods. In the early years we are in complete control of these things and try to instill principles that will carry over as independence grows. The same is true for online participation. There will be many opportunities for our kids to put on a virtual “Grab a Heine” T-shirt. We want to increase the likely that it will stay in the closet or, at the very least, be thrown away after a hard but not devastating lesson.
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